Saturday, May 9, 2009

just simply my first blog.

first blog?
i don't know how to start it,
or what to write.
it should just flow,
i'll start off with my day.
slept over at my beffer's house because we thought it was to early to leave on friday.
woke up like an hour before her,
and i was/am sick.
waited for her to wake up.
then watched a haunting in conneticut online.
a little disturbing,
not really scary.
played celebrity pedigree while it loaded,
funny :p
finished movie,
got ready.
arrived late at the mall.
i felt horrible for it.
my impatience grew for a moment,
but cooled down in a flash.
walked around.
felt ignored and unwanted most of the time.
that changed a little.
watched ghosts of girlfriend's past.
it was alrightt.
sad + funny.
colder than i expected.
_throughout the movie.

i feel like its a lie.
but i wish it werent.
i could be over.
i hope not.
tears seem to be something i can look too.
something disgustingly comforting.
ugly thoughts race through my mind.
i want them to leave.
i want today to be a day i cant remember,
therefore doubt wouldnt be hanging over me like a cloud.
is it because you two.
the two who hate each other,
please no.
i cant choose.
i want to go home.
but sadly im already here.
i dont belong.
i dont want to live here anymore.
i dont want to be depressed!
i dont want you or anyone to think this is for attention.
psh, please.
depression is real.
i cant help it at the moment.
i was so happy 7 hours ago.
shows how quick it can attack me,
and how vulnerable i can sadly be.
what the hell happened to me?

5/9/07: happy, flower child, Christian girl, doubt had never even touched me.

5/9/09: depressed, moody Christian girl, doubt lurking my every thought.

i think to much,
thats it.
but that saves me from so much.

hey, im only one person,
can you please keep that in mind?

i see my problem now.

i need my mom right now.

but until then,
tears feel like thee only solution.
i dont want it to be.
i dont understand anything.
sleep could help?

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